eh topic?...

I took a week off from spinning because of pink eye. I went in on Friday, before i even got home i started to cramp. i spotted. i went again on Monday, and spotted again. I watched my neighbors kids Monday while there house was being loaded into a moving truck. Tuesday i didn't feel so good. i watched my neighbors drive away in there moving truck, emotionally i wasn't doing well either. Wednesday morning i decided i would go to class, i wanted to keep it up for nine months, I'd have to work it through today. I didn't go as hard, and i didn't bleed. I rested for an hour after coming home. i then scrubbed the kitchen floor by hand and spot cleaned the carpet, in anticipation for grandpa carter and aunt lanna to come next week. I was cramping but knew i had too much to do to slow down. Tomatoes that jennifer got at market weren't going to last much longer, i had to get over there to make salsa. Drew mentioned the fact that he wanted to spend the night at thomas' house. I started to gather everything i needed for the day. I called christine to see if drew could come play for the day, she said sure. I got everything into the car and called again, telling her i was pregnant and didn't feel to good. I got there and christine said i looked like crap. no offense , you look in great shape but you don't look good. Leave audrey here in case you need to go see the doctors. i did. i called over to jennifers on the way, in distress i was in pain and i couldn't get a hold of the doctors. it was difficult to focus on driving and getting over there. Priscilla called while i was driving and i started to cry. she reminded me that 1/3 of all pregnancies end in the first trimester and that it wasn't my fault if it happens. sometimes the cells don't divide correctly and the body knows it. it wasn't happing because of my cycling. it was reassuring to talk to her. but i was still worried because i didn't know what was happening.

I got to jennifer's and she made me sit down and immediately gave me a drink to start hydrating. I sat and rested all day. i held rachel and sometimes joseph. i only got up to go potty, then back down. I finally got a hold of the doctors office and the nurse practitioner said i probably hadn't lost the baby yet. just rest, take it easy, back off of exercising for a week, but i should be ok, at the time i wasn't hurting just cramping a bit. by 3:00 i was feeling ok. but by 3:30 something changed and i called brian to meet me at the hospital. i wasn't going to wait this out over night. and i wanted to know what was hurting me on my right side. was it an appendicitises or was it an ectopic pregnancy. jennifer's mother in law come quickly and we made it to the Harrisburg hospital in no time. we checked in and brian meet me there. I got to go into a special ER room of my own. there the bishop and brian gave me a blessing that the doctors would be able to figure out what was wrong and be able to take care of it fully. the doctors started to run some tests and they sent me upstairs for an ultrasound. I was frightened because i knew they would figure out what was going on with me best this way and it would hurt and i had to try my best to be calm and be still. i wanted the tech to get clear pics so there was no miss diagnosis at all. when we were done the tech asked when i started to have pain, i said this afternoon. we went back down stairs to my special room. at least we had the Olympics to watch. the ob doc came in and asked if i had a doctor. i said yes, doc holly thomas at Hershey. he said he'd be right back. with in a min he was back said she was on call tonight at the hospital and that i had a room-go! brian and him then joked about fast cars, before getting me out the door. the nurse at the front desk caught that i still had my iv thing in, but that i was headed to Hershey and they let me keep it in.

we got over to the hershey medical center and walked in, i saw the nittany lion that we took a picture of audrey in her car seat when we left the hospital. i hadn't been back since that day. we got up to my floor and my room. they looked over my paper work, and took some fresh blood. i finally saw doctor holly thomas. it took me a while to recognize her. i was a little drugged and she had short hair now. she told me she was glad to see me, just not under these circumstances. she was willing to take care of me and would take out the ectopic pregnancy as soon as an OR was available. we then watch more olympics and waited some more. at 1:30 we asked the nurse what the status was and she said she thought maybe another hour or so. i sent bri out to swallow something down and to turn out the light. i rested until 3:30 when they came to get me. they wheeled me down the hall out of brian's sight, and into the elevator. down, along another hallway and into a very bright white OR. some doctors introduced themselves and noticed my ring. said they wouldn't steal it, i said it wasn't worth much, "just sentimental"said another. a nurse had a warm blanket for me, i told her i get really cold. she smiled and said she had more for me. I was glad, and was out like a light. i don't remember them giving me any more medicine or anything else.

i woke up in a strange room and tried to focus on a women. i couldn't so i gave up and went back to sleep. i woke up again and heard brian telling me he had to leave. i cried out don't go, don't go. give me your hand, i want to hold your hand. don't go. don't go. i was in and out for a while and brian kept telling me he had to go. I finally realized it was morning, and yes brian did have to go. i finally said goodbye then fell right back to sleep. when i finally woke up in the morning i felt ok. i was getting hungry i hadn't eaten since wednesday morning. i wanted to walk around and get unhooked from all the machines. Doctor Thomas came in to talk to me. She told me that when they got inside she realized that the fallopian tube was a ball of scar tissue mass and that the egg had gotten stuck inside. she had to remove the whole right tube or else it would happen again. she checked out the left side and she said it looks good. she said if I'm up to it Brian could take me home when he got there. Brian would be taking drew to his last swimming class of his two week session @ 10:30 then they would come out to see me and hopefully take me home. I asked right away if we could start discharge papers. they agreed. it took for ever. when brian and the kids got there, audrey took off her wet dipper. bri had to run out to the car for another one and audrey took off the rest of her clothes! of course the nurse came in at this time and just laughed as i tried to get audrey dressed again. Drew kept saying he remembered the chair in the room because that was the one he sat in when he first held audrey. I told drew that mommy was in the hospital because something inside mommy wasn't working right, so the doctors had to take it out. so i know have 3 new incisions on my stomach along with the c-section scares. I'm feeling ok. i've been focusing on healing a quickly as possible, i don't think i've grieved the loss yet. the loss of a dream. there was no heart beet yet. too early. i had only known for about a week that i was pregnant. i had told my mom and that was about it. they say i should wait 3 to 4 months before trying again. I'm still not sure how i feel about only having one tube. and also only having a 50/50 chance and not knowing when, I like to be precise in my planing. not when it happens it happens. but i know i am very grateful it can still happen at all.